For many years I have kept a journal. It has been my cathartic means of unpacking the thoughts and musings of my mind and helps the ol' noggin to rest and find gratitude and hope in times that can feel less than hopeful.
I have always considered myself a lover of people and somewhat of conversation connoisseur, I've built my living on it in fact. I have rarely had trouble making conversation happen with total strangers - a skill that served me well as a midwife. Always handy to be able to build trust quickly when the sentence to follow was often "do you want to pop your bottoms off for me?"
I have always enjoyed the thrill of the woo...the craft of meeting a total stranger and enchanting them in a short space of time has served me very well over the years in my 10 year sales career. It has only been in marrying a painfully straight talking American 13 years my senior* (more on navigating our age/transatlantic differences in a future post!) who has stirred in me an ever increasing desire to chase the conversations that are authentic and real and messy rather than the artificially harmonious and superficially perfect world I had been trying to create and control. I believe the human heart longs to be fully known and deeply loved. Without vulnerability, without courage, you can surely only be somewhat known by the creatures you surround yourself with and by implication, partially loved?!
In recent years, I have become increasingly more drawn to the badass that is willing to wade into the discomfort and vulnerability of their story. I can pinpoint the exact moments in my relationships (friendship & romantic) when the scales have tipped into deep friendship from a friendly acquaintance. I have made a deliberate decision to risk, to trust and be "all in" and in every case it hinged on a moment of courage and vulnerability that we shared (and sometimes an ugly cry!)
I believe there is magic that happens when you share your story. Last year I made a commitment to choose courage over comfort so I hope that by taking my private musings public those along for the ride will get to learn more about this crazy cat. Embracing my own honest, messy imperfection on the path to a deeper understanding of myself and those in the world around me.
My intention for this blog is to write about matters of the heart and all things connection be that relationships, romance or rumpy pumpy!*
(*I was once catcalled on the street outside Sainsbury's by a chap with a thick Bradford accent who asked "Fancy a bit of rrrrrumpy-pumpy love?!" I don't think he expected me to laugh quite so hard in his face - bless him)
Anyhooooo brace yourself for some stories, musings and honesty aplenty.
Here is something I have learnt - Brave is not something you feel, it is something you do.
Let's be badass together!